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Walking Ix (ee`sh):
In the Mayan Oracle, Ix represents "integrity, heart-knowing, alignment with divine will, magician, shaman, jaguar, night seer, priest, torch bearer, magic." When I asked the Oracle what Star-Glyph represented my purpose in this website, Ix was the answer.
Holding fast to the qualities of Ix, this journal chronicles my spiritual path. On the path, I will occasionally write organized essays on spiritual subjects, those will appear under Pieces below.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
focus (2nd post tonight)
I'm in a very strange mood. I've been fighting it off for days...weeks maybe. There are high points, good sex, good company, beating boy. Still, there's anxiety, nightmares (or just very weird dreams even if they aren't scary), lack of sleep, nervousness.....maybe I just need more sex and more beatings.....or maybe it's the mercury retrograde.
boy wonders if it's the return of my pre-birthday anxiety. Last year I didn't get it, so he's unsure what it would look like. --or maybe we just explained it away as anxiety about leaving my job and not having another waiting. *shrugs* Since I moved to AZ, I haven't had it nearly as bad as I did in KS. So why would it return now?
(for new readers, I used to experience intense discordance in the weeks leading up to my birthday. I was plagued with insomnia and compulsive behavior. I'd find myself staying up til 3 and 4 in the morning and being frustrated that I couldn't make myself go to bed. Sudden crying jags from the exhaustion and anxiety. It wasn't constant, but it would happen several times a week and get worse as the bday got closer. )
I enjoy my workplace (though it has been more tense the last month than previously). I love my life with boy. boy won an important appeal with DES and his hands are healing. My sister survived the latest crisis of health and is adjusting to the new health routine. We're making new friends and building on existing foundations. revamping websites and making plans for the publishing boy's books and a cd. And there's a three-day weekend ahead. So what's the source of this?
To quote Paulo Coehlo "you have a spiritual duty to be happy."
I believe that. I live by it whenever possible. I try to root out whatever interferes with the flow of love, harmony, and happiness. I'm working on getting back to that place as soon as possible....trusting the universe and having faith that what is is as it should and must be and that every moment brings the promise of happiness, growth, and knowing.
posted by DM # @ 20:50
Pieces
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