|
Walking Ix (ee`sh):
In the Mayan Oracle, Ix represents "integrity, heart-knowing, alignment with divine will, magician, shaman, jaguar, night seer, priest, torch bearer, magic." When I asked the Oracle what Star-Glyph represented my purpose in this website, Ix was the answer.
Holding fast to the qualities of Ix, this journal chronicles my spiritual path. On the path, I will occasionally write organized essays on spiritual subjects, those will appear under Pieces below.
Thursday, November 21, 2002
Reaching out for help is something I advocate. I've advised many friends and counseled numerous submissives that asking for help is an important skill to learn. I've tried to put that into practice in my life the past few years. It's still a very, very difficult thing to do.
In the past few months I have had to ask for money from family to get us through this patch of unemployment. I have asked my boi for emotional and physical support when I crack. I have reached out to friends to ask for support and distraction to help me remain solid for my boi. Today I am asking for support from the community in dealing with the issues of unemployment. I am contemplating seeking professional counseling again. I don't like it.
There is humility in asking for help. My family raised me to believe that we have to do everything ourselves and the pride of my father's family is staggering. Luckily my parents raised me to believe in family support and leaning on each other. It was an incredible tension that I still struggle to overcome at times. Pride has it's place, as I counsel my boi about pride and humility and asking for help, I gain a better understanding myself. We both trust that the universe will provide what we seek and that we will come out of this time of trial stronger and happier. We have no doubts there, we just wish it didn't have to hurt so much while we're in it.
Right now the struggle is to show my vulnerabilities to my friends. Leaning on my family for money and my boi for emotional support is not the same as crying in front of my friends. Letting them know that the stress I'm feeling isn't just stress, it's an ongoing battle against depression that I fought years ago and hoped I wouldn't have to face again. My family and my boi love me unconditionally and are committed to sharing my life. My friends, while loving and supportive, have their own lives and their own problems and don't need the imposition of me crying on their shoulders or blubbering a stack of problems in their ears/computer screens. At least, that's the argument I keep bouncing in my head as to why I shouldn't reach out to them right now.
evolution shouldn't be so painful.
posted by DM # @ 09:08
Pieces
|
