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Walking Ix (ee`sh):
In the Mayan Oracle, Ix represents "integrity, heart-knowing, alignment with divine will, magician, shaman, jaguar, night seer, priest, torch bearer, magic." When I asked the Oracle what Star-Glyph represented my purpose in this website, Ix was the answer.
Holding fast to the qualities of Ix, this journal chronicles my spiritual path. On the path, I will occasionally write organized essays on spiritual subjects, those will appear under Pieces below.
Friday, November 08, 2002
Apparently faith is the core of who I am. I didn't realize that a few years ago. It's become more and more apparent in my relationship with my boi. She thinks she has little faith and I have lots of it. In fact, in the early weeks of our relationship, she couldn't even say the word. We referred to it as "the f word".
I am resisting the desire to question life, the universe and everything. Watching her contemplate her mother's death and question the nature of illness, surgery, viability and usefulness is painful. Watching her cry at the park last night....... I wish I could remove her fears and all the other feelings associated with the mortality of a parent. I haven't had to go through that yet (her mother is 15 yrs older than mine). I wish I could do anything at all to ease her mind and spirit. She insists that she is counting on my faith and my strength to get her through this. I insist that she's an incredibly strong boi and is handling this so well.
Strength doesn't mean being stoic or hiding your emotions and reactions from the world. Keeping a stiff upper lip is about pride, not strength. Being brave means facing the unknown and admitting you have no control over the outcome. It doesn't mean pretending everything is fine and you can handle anything. She exhibits her strength by not taking a drink or a toke, by reaching out to the friends, family, and recovery groups she has for support. She exhibits her strength by ignoring the demons in her family to focus on the love she feels for her mother and the concern for her wellbeing and that of her father. She exhibits her strength by showing me that expressing her emotions and working through them can lead to healing and balance on the other side -- however excrutiating and debilitating they may be. Pretending they aren't there would be the easy way out. And she thinks she has no faith in herself.
posted by DM # @ 12:52
Pieces
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